My roots are somewhere in the countryside. Not far from the city, but still far enough to believe that the horizon is in fact the mountains and hills I used to see when I left the house. I grew up with the ideology of countryside life, where love went through the stomach. Love for the land and the animals, for the work you do so that you bring the fruits of your labor to the table out of love.
I was the rebellious child who always asked "Why?". I was in kindergarten when I wondered why girls had to play with dolls and boys with cars. I wanted to play with cars. So I often deviated from the rule and ended up in the corner or got punished with a pointer stick on the hand. I remember exactly how I clenched my fists so that I would not cry. In the corner, my universe shrank and I asked myself: why so much injustice?
A few years later, I was transferred to a school in the city because my parents wanted the best education for me. There I became a 'countryside girl' - a label I was given from day one. I didn't seem to belong there - I wasn't the daughter of a teacher, principal or any other prestigious profession. I was a simple countryside girl who had infiltrated this space.
Most of the time I was the only one to raise my hand in class, and everything I heard was "Does no one really know the answer?". If I got better grades than my classmates, they excluded me from the group. I was no longer included in discussions and activities. I struggled for years to show that I could do it and to grow wings strong enough to fly from there. I came home and cried and said it was unfair. Then I knew "shame" - I was ashamed that I was from the countryside.
A few more years passed and I went off to college. I chose Bucharest and told myself "there you can start from scratch". But even there I got a label - "provincial girl". "You came to steal our bread?". The difference was I could look like I didn't care. I had become friends with injustice, but I kept on going my way, kept on to be the same person with "why" in my head.
I had my first job during my studies. It was my first contact with professional life and it showed me that being good wasn't always enough. Those were years of tough competition, of "you can't", "you're a woman", "are you married?", "do you want children?", "are you prepared to work overtime? We promote only employees who work overtime". There were years when I doubted myself, when I tried to prove to others that I was capable, that I was fair. Years of exhaustion.
Until one day that was supposed to be like any other - I woke up, went to work and fought the same battle. But on that day, my body stopped listening to me. I could no longer walk. With every step I took, I felt like I was running on void. Up until that point, I only knew how to walk on a tightrope. The hole deepened and I fell. It was dark. It was unfair. I was exhausted. I had to stay there for a long time to see me, to accept me and find myself again.
Only when I managed to do that I realized that I had been looking for justice in the wrong place. Only thenI realized that justice was within me, in my true self. Only then it was light.
Here I am a few years later, with much more faith in myself, making the decision that would change my life. I came back to my roots. I came back here to be a mother to my two children.
Motherhood has brought me so much light, but not enough to dispel the darkness. It has confronted me with other injustices, with the inadequacies of the system. But it has awakened in me the strength to fight for my children and to show them that things can be done differently.
This is how Nest(CUIB)-Learning Node was born. An educational center whose aim is to promote soft education and free play in nature. Three children who once, a long time ago, wanted to play freely, now mothers, have come together with the same ideal. Together with Iulia and Oana, we created Cuib for our community. Here we have no labels. No masks. We don't have "you can't", "you must not", "not good enough". Here, girls can play with cars. We have wonderful people around us who help us to carry the Nest(CUIB) story forward. People by whose side we learn every day how we can create a better world for children. With them, we mirror ourselves, repair ourselves, seek justice. For the children. With whom we have created a community, the village we need to raise our descendants. To give them roots and wings.
My story of injustice is actually the story of justice that lies within me. I just needed time to find it. Time and people to give me confidence. And I ask you, your justice, where does it nest?
